To sum it up…The Reason Why I Deleted My Tinder Account…it’s too much work!
Okay first, I am aware I advised against using dating apps in my previous article: Why Did He Cheat?
I did not advise against using one because they do not work.
It was more due to believing there are better ways to meet quality people in the real world.
Yet, after suggesting this I decide to give it a try for myself.
I mean if I am going to suggest there are better ways, I should at least have first-hand experience.
Also, the investigative side of me had to know.
Another reason I even tried Tinder was boredom.
It’s been too cold to go out and do much of anything.
To add to that – I am in this in-between place where I am not sure if I really want to find someone or not.
Part of me just loves being home, nesting in my comfy bed, reading a great book.
So why did I delete my account after only 3 days?
Why I Deleted My Tinder Account In A NutShell:
Surprise …. it was not due to only meeting creeps!
In fact, I met some seemingly nice guys.
Not to say I know for sure, as I never met any in person.
I did have lengthy chats with a couple however and really liked conversing with them.
There was one guy, in particular, I think I could have made a great connection with.
If not romance certainly as a friend.
Yet he lived three hours away.
I am sorry I have too much to do around here to be traveling or waiting for someone to show up to go out.
Still, those reasons are not really why I deleted my account.
Let’s take a closer look at this…
Why I Deleted My Tinder Account The Details:
1. Tinder takes time and dedication.
Too much work if you ask me.
I mean sure, if you are all out ready to get back into the dating game it may be perfect for you.
I was not, and am not.
Sure, if I happen to meet a nice guy, or run into a school friend who is currently single, I may decide to go on a date.
I enjoy my work, enjoy my pets, my home, and there is a lot to do around here that fulfills me.
Spending time on Tinder made me feel like I could be spending that time in better ways.
Messaging back matches when I could have been catching up on a television program!
That is a testament to my lack of dedication of finding dates in and of itself.
Sure, I could have made these guys wait.
Afterall, I do not owe anyone a message back right away.
However, I am one of those people who think it is rude to start something and not be receptive.
2. The process can be slow.
If you want the best matches you need to read each profile.
That is if they even fill one out.
I found many men who put in absolutely no information.
I swiped left or “no” instantly on these.
It takes some intuition, which I have plenty of but if you do not, you risk picking weirdos!
Looking at the photos to try to read into energy, determine if they are normal.
It’s just not a game I am interested in playing.
Which one of the men in the image about would you pick?
And why do they all have beards?
They aren’t even real!
That is sort of how Tinder felt while using it.
3. Swiping on the right men matters and takes careful consideration.
As mentioned above you do not want to select the weirdos.
They do exist on Tinder, big time.
Some guys are very open about their eccentricities.
As bizarre as some of them can be, at least they get extra credit for being honest.
I’m not legally divorced myself.
I put that in my profile and was very honest about it.
Yet, I had to wonder, how many of these guys were not divorced and not being open about it?
It made me very concerned because I know my own estranged husband made a profile on Tinder.
I also know from speaking to one of the women he dated from Tinder that he was not very honest about his own situation.
They at least tend to hide full truths on dating apps.
Perhaps they open up more fully once the date is made but in the meantime, you could be dealing with a whole different animal than anticipated.
The very last thing I want is to go out on a date with a guy who may be recently separated and his wife is totally unaware of the fact they are!
4. Tinder is more entertaining than valuable.
Above I mentioned the weirdos.
It was not even the guys in an open relationship or those who are poly that I am calling weirdos.
That is a lifestyle choice and while it is not for me, as long as both partners are in agreement who am I to judge?
It was guys who discussed dressing their privates up in costumes that I refer to as “the weirdos”.
I really do not want to see your penis wearing a cardigan dude, sorry!
It was also entertaining when I was given a potential match of a guy who runs a small specialty shop I frequent.
That was a moment of awkward potential.
I had to chuckle because upon reflection he did seem to be flirting the last time I was in his store.
Some guys really do put a lot of thought into their profiles!
I really enjoyed reading about them and getting more insight into the mind of a man before getting back “out there” on the dating scene.
After being married a long time you tend to lose connection with the way “most men” think.
More often than not I felt like it would be fun to hang out with some of them but not so into the idea of dating them.
I found myself opening the app more often to waste time or fill voids.
This is not healthy!
If I have downtime or a void in my life I should be doing something that is going to promote the “me”.
Better organization of my daily schedule would provide healthier outlets for finding quality people to engage with.
Instead of putting off work until the evenings, I could get my work done by a reasonable hour and get out in the world where men really exist.
Grabbing the phone to open the app just seemed silly after a couple of days.
5. Tinder allows for you to select a distance ratio, but it is “off”.
This means you can say you only want to be matched with guys within a 10 mile, or 50 miles or whatever radius is acceptable to you.
It does not work!
I was matched with a guy who lives in New York.
Ironically just one city over from where my estranged husband is from.
Many guys I matched with showed they lived 1 mile from me.
That felt creepy, to say the least.
The last thing I need is a new guy I am dating living on top of me!
Yet, after communicating with a few of these guys we discovered this was not the case at all.
Yes, the algorithm is off.
Even if it were dead on, however, would you want to eliminate a great guy simply because he lived a bit further away than you would like?
I mean if you met your dream man out at the grocery store and discovered he was only in town for a friends wedding, would you give up?
If he were that wonderful you may opt to at least stay in communication right?
On a dating app you eliminate before you even get the chance to meet based on distance.
Or you can set your distance to as far out as the app allows.
Do you really want to waste time on the app being matched with a guy you can’t even meet for coffee?
Would I have felt the same way about that great guy I matched with that lives 3 hours away had I met him in person initially?
You see it’s a double-edged sword on that one.
And none of it matters since the distance algorithm fails to work!
6. Can you really determine if you are a match based on a few hobbies and interests?
For me, this was the most frustrating aspect of Tinder.
You tell a little bit about yourself.
They tell a little about themselves.
You can write into your profile what you are looking for and so on.
I had a hard enough time writing my “about” page here on the blog with absolutely no character count limitations!
Can you really sum yourself up in a paragraph?
How can you really know if you want to date someone based on their paragraph?
Its all about the little things that reveal themselves over time anyway.
Sure, you have to take the leap to get to the point of dating someone enough for those things to be revealed.
Yet, when on a dating app everyone by nature is super particular!
Extra guarded, very concerned with picking the best of the best, or at least the best of the worst.
It’s all about the looks when it comes right down to it.
I know for sure I can take a stellar photo.
On the other hand, some of my photos are horrible!
I have the advantage of taking photos all of the time and being able to choose the good ones.
It can be rather unfair to judge a guy based on a few photos he already sucks at taking.
Typical things people put into the profiles are:
“I like music, I enjoy nature, I can read.”
Wonderful, me too.
I guess that is why when I came across the profile of the man who said he enjoys putting a cardigan on his penis I was entertained.
Someone was at least either being totally honest or having a lot of fun with the app.
He was, at the least, original!
To decide if you want to swipe left or right on someone just does not feel natural to me.
I like to think I am deeper than that.
As I have matured I do not just go for the guy with the gorgeous smile.
Clear blue eyes and a nice body are no longer all it takes to attract me physically.
I am attracted to the unusual more than what is typically considered attractive.
That is if and only when the person’s character is intriguing!
Real people out in the real world can be highly attractive to me if they have a well-developed character.
Quality people, with quality thoughts, and a quality of being giving and honest.
Why I Deleted My Tinder Account:
To sum it up in the purest form possible.
It feels false.
No, it’s not because I am “older”.
It has nothing to do with not being able to handle an app or tech of today.
Human nature is more human than tech will allow.
If I rented a pool hall, dance hall, or conference room and filled it up with eligible men in a 25-mile radius how many matches might I get?
On Tinder, I matched up with over 70 guys!
Matches happen when both people swipe right.
I am sure there are plenty I swiped right on that did not swipe right on me in return.
Just as I probably swiped left on many guys who swiped right on me.
So let’s put those 70 mutual right swipes in a room together with me.
Am I going to connect on some level worthy of romance with all 70 of these men?
The fact is, if I truly had my heart into dating, I would probably go with a program like Match or eHarmony.
If you are just looking for a way to spend some time and potential entertainment value Tinder is the app for you.
Tinder is just a means to an end.
A way to narrow the scope.
The problem is, the scope is very blurry and ineffective.
Okay, let me know what you think in the comments below.
Let’s have some fun conversation!