Even as a professional life coach I still had my struggles after my husband left. We are all human, even when we have experience coaching other people. I want to help others avoid the pitfalls that can happen after a breakup. I hope this article helps someone else.
After The Breakup: How To Get Yourself Back
A breakup is hard, even if you were wanting to separate too.
There is so much to consider after your partner or you walk out the door.
Sometimes the breakup is planned so you are not left in shock unprepared.
Regardless, no matter how it happens, there is a lot of extra time on your hands.
We can’t help but give up pieces of ourselves when joining with another person.
It may not be much but it can add up.
Don’t focus on how to get him back, focus on how to get back to yourself.
If you are still in contact with the ex, limit that contact severely.
Make sure your communication is not desperate and limited to necessary topics such as finances, children, pets, etc.
Keep things civil and have no expectations.
Disconnect from shared friends that were his first or no longer necessary in your life.
I am not saying to burn the bridge but you can put up a barrier.
There is no need to get friends in the middle of things or ask them to take sides.
You also want to avoid hearing rumors and gossip that holds you emotionally in the past.
Start a journal and put your thoughts, feelings, and emotions on paper.
Getting clarity helps the healing process and will get you over the hump much faster.
Create a sacred space and claim a non-stress area in your home.
Get out and do things you used to do before him.
Stop plotting revenge or how to get him back.
That serves no one and especially not YOU.
The less you focus on him the more energy you have to focus on yourself and those in your life who are there for you.
Stay away from the places you went as a couple.
It hurts after a break up because everywhere you go will remind you of him.
Especially if you were together a long time.
Find new stomping grounds!
Or reconnect with old places you enjoyed before he came into your world.
Don’t bargain with yourself emotionally.
Do not focus on his pros and cons.
You have to let go and move on.
Not that I encourage anyone to look better for their ex, but let’s face it, it does feel good.
Get out of the office, get out of the house.
Fresh air, even if alone is important.
Rearrange or redecorate.
If your home was shared with him, you may have edited your design or decor to be something both of you enjoy.
If you always wanted frilly bedding, a girly bathroom, create it now.
Put a million stuffed bears on your bed if you want.
It’s all your space now.
Friends and Family Focus:
Do not expect all of your friends and family to be able to relate to what you are going through.
Not everyone will be comfortable with the topic of separation or divorce.
Even those who have been through it do not always know how to relate to your personal story.
In every breakup there are three sides.
His side, her side, and the reality of it all.
Everyone has their own story based on their own perspective.
Plus, no one really knows how hard you tried except you.
Spend more time with family visiting, helping out elders or playing with children.
Write letters to friends and family who do not live close just to catch up.
Reconnect with friends you haven’t seen in forever and plan a girls night out get togethers.
Go to your high school reunion for a change.
In Summary, After The Breakup:
We all let pieces of ourselves go when we are married or in a long-term relationship.
Maybe you used to be active in live theatre.
Perhaps you loved romcom’s and stopped watching them to fit in his favorite flicks.
He may have hated your best friend causing you to stop seeing her so often.
Whatever you set aside to make time for him in your life, or to make him happy, get it back.
If of course, it would make you happy to do so.
Better yet, try new hobbies and activities.
Now is the time!
You have more time for yourself to experience the world in a whole new way.
That isn’t a bad thing.
We are never given more than we can handle.
Everything truly does happen for a reason.
When a door closes, a window opens.
Cliche perhaps but I believe all these things to be true.
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Please leave a comment below.
Do you have any ideas or thoughts you can share on how to get back to yourself after a breakup?
Did you find any good ideas in this article?
Have you ever lost a part of yourself in a relationship?
What would you tell a friend going through a breakup?
Who supported you when you had your relationship ended?