Is He Really Into You? So you clicked here hoping to figure out if the man of your desires is into you.
I am sorry but I am taking you in a different direction with this article.
The fact is, I have seen so many posts on this topic it is beginning to turn my stomach.
Facebook is riddled with posts that will tell you what he thinks and feels based upon “signs”.
If he does this or does not do that, he must or must not be “into you”.
Some of these “signs” are:
He buys you flowers.
Will hold your hand in public.
Always replies quickly to your text.
Calls you his “babe” or other pet names.
Give me a break!
Is He Really Into You If He Buys You Flowers?
Flowers are nice but I have had men buy me flowers just to get to the sex faster. It truly does not mean a man is into you just because he buys you flowers. Maybe he just wants to get into you. Of course, it is lovely to get flowers from your man, if he truly is your man but for this to be listed as a way to recognize if a man is falling for you or not is ludicrous!
Is He Really Into You If He Holds Your Hand In Public?
Holding hands in public may not be a sign he is into you any more than him not doing so being a sign he isn’t. Some people have social anxieties. Others may simply not be hand holders. This is one of those things you have to judge as a case by case basis. Sure, if he holds your hand non-stop in private and then never does in public that may be a red flag. At the same time, if he has sweaty palms and is simply embarrassed, or not a hand holder, it’s not a sure sign he is hiding something.
Is He Really Into You If He Replies Quickly To Your Texts?
Replying quickly to texts is contextual. If you know that your guy is at work you should be able to accept that he may take an hour or more to reply. If you know for a fact that he is sitting on the sofa watching TV maybe he should reply faster. Then again, maybe not. We all deserve our downtime to watch a show without interruption, even by someone we love. This one is so contextual that you really have to use your intellect on it. You can’t oversimplify by saying “well if he were truly into me he couldn’t wait to reply back!” Sorry but that is just childish. I have received texts that made me blush at very inappropriate times. Granted I could not wait to reply to the text but I did not dare while sitting there with my mother at lunch. Everything is subject to the situation.
Is He Really Into You When He Calls You A Pet Name?
This last one, calling you a pet name, well that is dependent on the type of people each of you are. Pet names can be cute to some, and irritating to others. I hate it when a guy calls me a pet name while calling every woman he knows the same. A pet name means nothing if he says it to everyone. Babe means nothing more than him saying “dude” or “bro” to a male friend when he is calling every woman he knows, babe. A better indication would be if he was calling you babe and suddenly stopped! If he was texting heart emojis for weeks then quit doing it. Even still, it’s a silly way to determine how he feels about you.
Also remember, how he feels is not the priority here!
How you feel is! Because how you feel toward him is a true indication of how he feels about you.
There are so many variables that go into how someone truly feels.
Not to mention personality traits or disorders.
The real question you need to be asking yourself, and answering with honesty is:
Are you really into him?
Depending on where you personally come from, you may find yourself too accepting of a man that just isn’t a good match for you.
Is it really love, infatuation, filling a void within yourself, or excitement after a time of boredom?
You need to begin to ask yourself a series of questions that will illuminate whether the man you have set your sights on is truly what you want, need, and deserve.
Now I do not believe in the old adage of never settle for less.
What is less?
Less than perfect?
No one is truly perfect.
Less than being treated well, yes that is important.
Less than your heightened expectations after a bad relationship may be out of line.
Sure, no one wants to date yet another narcissist! Nor should they. On the other hand just because the last man you dated treated you like crap does not mean your new set of expectations should be out of the realm of logic or possibility that no man could ever meet them.
Don’t go too extreme and be reasonable that everyone has their downfalls.
Before you start any new relationship it is key that you first start with a healthy self.
Then, from there, you can determine if the person you are dating is someone you want to even concern yourself with regarding their feelings and intentions.
If he is even someone you care enough to ask: Is He Really Into You.
All too often I find that women focus so much on how he is feeling they totally forget to consider how they themselves feel.
This is how we end up in relationships with narcissists in the first place.
It’s a huge oversight on our parts.
We have to take responsibility for our own feelings from the get-go.
Yes, when he makes a mistake we need to make note of it.
We also need to note the great things he does.
Most importantly we need to be fair, and honestly look at the pros and cons of a person.
We need to treat the men we are dating, or falling for, the same as we would a female friend.
Putting up with damage from a man seems to be far more tolerable than putting up with damage from a female friend.
Why is that?
Maybe it is due to great sex, romance, or feeling desperate to find “the one”.
Never allow someone you may be falling for to get away with more than you would a friend, or for that matter a family member.
We also need to treat the man we desire the way we wish to be treated.
Damaged women often times punish the next man for the faults and failures of the previous.
When you do this the truth is you have not healed.
Yes, by all means, you deserve to have your list of requirements in a man.
Absolutely you should know what expectations are must have’s in a man you would spend your life with.
Just keep them within reason and understand if you want him to be supportive and accepting of your issues, you have to be accepting of his as well.
The things you should consider will depend on your personality and what truly matters to you.
We are all different and look for different things in a life partner.
Some of us require a lot of laughter and good times.
Others just want stability and dependability.
Sometimes we look for someone who is a great communicator, while others want romance.
Then there are those of us who want it all!
You should know what you are looking for.
If you do not you need to step back from the dating world and get to know yourself better.
Most importantly, stop worrying about how he feels about you and start digging into how you feel about him!
Granted his feelings toward you are extremely important, eventually anyway.
Yet, in the beginning, it is more important to determine if it even matters how he feels before you get stuck in the twisted logic of “winning” him.
If how he feels matters more to you than how you feel, you are probably needing to do some damage control from your past relationship(s).
Too often we have been in relationships with men who cause us to doubt ourselves.
We have been put so low on the pedestal that we no longer believe our feelings matter.
That causes us to chase any man who would have us.
Any man who would accept us, and show us even a glimmer of attention.
Because attention means approval and that is what we seek when we have been damaged.
I have so many friends, both in real life and on social media who suffer from this.
Clearly, it’s a thing.
Otherwise, we would not be seeing a barrage of “Is he really into you” articles.
Questions to consider when deciding how you feel:
Does he like you just the way you are?
If you have come to a place in your life where you love yourself you should seek out a man who is encouraging, empowering, and supportive. Someone who wants to change you is a warning sign.
Now granted, he may be pushing you to achieve your goals and dreams. This is not a bad thing at all. However, if he is trying to get you to go in a direction that is entirely off course from your own desires that is a red flag.
We all have baggage, especially as we get older.
It just accumulates!
No one should be expected to have 100% clarity of thought and feeling every single day of their lives.
We all have those rock bottom days where we spin out of control a bit.
On your darkest days do you feel understood?
Does he listen?
Is he supportive and make attempts to understand?
Does he soothe you and make you get over the humps a little easier?
No, it’s not his job to give advice or heal you, but does he at the very least give you a chance to have your burn out, bitch about it, and still love you just the same once you get yourself back on track?
If the man you are into does this, you may have a keeper!
Do your energies jive?
After spending a day with him, or a weekend, do you feel energized and rejuvenated? Or, do you find yourself needing the next few days just to reconnect with yourself?
If you find that after spending time with him you need to recollect your thoughts and energy that is not a positive sign at all.
A quality relationship should give you feelings of strength and happiness, not exhaustion and worry.
Energy is an amazing thing and you will find through life that some people feed your energy while others deplete it.
Now granted, after a weekend of having fun going out, and perhaps amazing sex we may be tired, but you should have a smile on your face and a spring in your step!
Not feel like you need to question everything that happened.
Why are you longing to see him again?
Are you missing him because he makes you feel amazing or are you wanting to see him again because he left you with fear and feelings of doubt?
I see this often, when a friend is waiting to hear from, or see a man again because they simply are confused. They need insight, information, details about where they stand as a couple. The focus on worry is so strong that I see my friends light flickering out and a heightened sense of desperation taking over.
No one should leave you with such a sense of fear of losing them that you end up chasing them!
When you can come out of a date night, or extended weekend from being with him feeling secure and confident on where things stand between the two of you, your feelings of love are probably on target.
Is there great communication?
Communication is one of those areas in which I place a huge amount of value.
It’s ranked #1 on my list, even above physical attraction and trust me, physical attraction is very important to me.
In full disclosure, I have dated men for that reason alone but I never would consider one a potential life partner based on it!
The worst thing is when a woman does not set her own standards for a man, yet instead, chases him for his approval.
That is how women end up doubting how he feels about her instead of focusing on how she feels for him.
Ladies, it is perfectly okay to date a man simply because you like his body, there is a great sexual chemistry or you just like how his ass looks in a pair of jeans.
Yup, you can do this!
That does not mean you have to justify or validate your involvement with him by tricking yourself, or others into thinking it is love!
Be real with yourselves.
Admit to yourself that you are simply in it for fun instead of worrying how society will view you for being sexually free.
Once you can do this you will see very clearly which men are worthy of you being a true part of their life.
Back to communication though…
If you and your man can’t speak openly and honestly about everything, where will the relationship truly lead?
You do not have to love every idea or opinion he has.
Some things he thinks or does may make you cringe a little but honesty says a lot more about a person’s character than a white lie about if he was watching porn.
If you can communicate your thoughts and opinions freely without judgment from him you are going to have more trust, more emotional connection, and a far greater chance of a healthy happy relationship in the long term.
The communication factor goes both ways!
You both have to be able to not only handle the truths of each other but you have to be able to speak them.
One of the best things in any relationship is when you can truly open up about everything and not feel judged.
Better yet, when you can feel loved all the more for conveying your thoughts and feelings to him.
Can you change direction in your own path without guilt?
One way to tell if someone in your life is a fan is when you change your own personal life direction.
This applies to everyone in our lives, be that family, friends, or a man you are interested in.
Sometimes in our lives, we want to try something new.
Maybe it’s starting a new business or changing the color of our hair.
Whatever the case may be from a huge change to a basic one, how does the man in your life react to these changes?
Do you feel supported and encouraged or do you feel questioned and guilted?
Now sure, it is perfectly okay for someone to pose logical questions.
That shows they are interested and curious but if their questioning comes from a place of belittling, or doubt it’s time to get out of that relationship.
Your life path is your own and should not be controlled by anyone else.
Sure, if you are married or cohabiting there may be risks in changing career paths, quitting a job, and these things should be discussed before making big changes.
However, if you are made to feel change is out of the question and shut down before you can talk about it, you are not with someone who is going to be healthy for you long term,
Ladies, I hope you can see from some of the example questions above where your mind should be headed when you are examining a relationship.
None of the questions involve him directly regarding his feelings.
They all lead toward the direction of how he makes you feel and that is what should truly matter.
Yes, we want the man we are into to feel wonderful about us in return but think about it…
If he is making you feel strong, supported, empowered, and as if you can take on the world, isn’t that the best sign that he is truly into you?
I think so!
Ladies, everyone these days is speaking toward empowerment, myself especially.
That is what most of my blog is about!
The fact is it’s time to stop chasing the big elusive question of Is He Really Into You and start asking ourselves, how do we feel?
At the end of the day if you feel secure there is no doubt you are with a man who is truly into you.
If you are questioning everything he says, everything he does, having doubts, he simply isn’t into you because you do not feel secure in his life.
Ladies, please stop asking if he is into you and ask yourself if you should be into him.
Once you gain this sense of self-awareness you will feel much better in every relationship you encounter.
No more will you wonder how a man feels about you because you will simply know based on your own feelings of self-worth and self-love.
If you are needing help in your love life please consider my Life Coaching services.